How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
