I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
