Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
