erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
