hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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