sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
