I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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