I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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