Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
