Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
