She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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