Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
