you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
