I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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