i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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