More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize