omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
