I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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