I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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