Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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