Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
