yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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