Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
