The maid of honor just puked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
