Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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