We won't sleep together?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
