Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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