How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
