Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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