I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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