Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
