Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
