So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
