Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize