its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
