you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
