we're blogging at a bar
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
