RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
