You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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