The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
