it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
