New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
