is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
