turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
