Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
