Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
