I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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