You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize