Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
