yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
