I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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