Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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