How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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