Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
