We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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