She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
