ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize