I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
