He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
