tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
