If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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