none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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