Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
