Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
