It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
