so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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