I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
