Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
