**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
