sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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