just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
