Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
