There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
