my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
