So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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