I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
