You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
