I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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