Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
