I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize