My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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