I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
