I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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