Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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