Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
