Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
