Need sex. Gaining weight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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