I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
