So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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