he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
