If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
