i would punch a child for taco bell
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize