i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
