Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
