ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Congratulations! We have a period
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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