I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
