Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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