I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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