when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
