I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
