Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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