You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
