why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
