If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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