I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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