Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
