you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize