i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
